Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
