The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
