just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
