We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You pole danced in your parka.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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