He disabled his match.com account in front of me
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
