Is it normal to miss your booty call?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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