I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
now i know why i became what i already was.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
