he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
