So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
