i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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