He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.