Can i not drive my cunt home
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
