can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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