So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???