Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Randomize
