Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
