I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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