I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
