I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
