i will never coherently bang her
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
