i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
