Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
