i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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