you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
i need some magic done to my vagina
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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