i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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