so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize