So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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