my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
