My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
