totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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