the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
