I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
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