Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
