I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
