I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Can you bring me the toilet please
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
