I hate all girls vehemently.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
be right there i have to get my cape
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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