my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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