Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
