And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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