last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
