i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
too bad you live with your parents still
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
