Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
