You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
