So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
