I think im going to throw up on grandma
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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