So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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