dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
This is my gift to your gina
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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