ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
