god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Is Oprah even human
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
