There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
