I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
