I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
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Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
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While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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