she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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