Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
