Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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