It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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