Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I think I won the penis lottery.
Say something about gay babies.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
last night I used snow as a chaser
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
