You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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