apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
