of course. lets lasso hookers.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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