didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Terrible idea I love it
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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