sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
