WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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