hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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