so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
