That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
