omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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