As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
