Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
