Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
My feet surprised me
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