His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
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