yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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