Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
