I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just forgot I was standing up.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
