ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
