evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
