I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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