whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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