I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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