i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I just gargled with NyQuil
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
