sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
