i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
