I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
