I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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