does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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