Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
