Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Vodka?
Forever.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
