i think i have herpe
just one?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
