all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
