Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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