This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
