): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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